What Therapy Is — and What It’s Not: Clearing Up Misconceptions
What is therapy, really? Learn what psychotherapy is and isn’t — and how counselling, CBT, DBT, and trauma-informed care can support real healing.
With more people openly talking about mental health, trauma, and healing, therapy has become a more common part of everyday conversation. It’s no longer rare to hear someone say, “I’m seeing a therapist,” or “I’m working on myself.”
That’s a positive cultural shift — but it has also created confusion. Pop psychology and social media “therapy talk” can lead people to form unrealistic expectations about what psychotherapy is supposed to do, or who it’s really for.
As a registered psychotherapist providing individual therapy, couples therapy, and trauma-informed care, I often work with clients who feel unsure, skeptical, or even disappointed in therapy because of what they’ve seen or heard online.
This blog is here to offer a grounded, evidence-based, and human explanation of what therapy is — and what it isn’t. Whether you’re considering counselling for anxiety, depression, trauma, or relationship challenges, this guide can help you navigate what to expect.
Psychotherapy Is a Space for Self-Awareness and Growth
One of the most powerful aspects of therapy is how it helps people understand themselves. This may seem basic — but it’s often the first step toward meaningful change.
Psychotherapy helps you:
Explore the roots of your anxiety, depression, or emotional pain
Understand patterns in your thoughts, behaviours, and relationships
Learn to regulate emotions and navigate conflict
Build healthier boundaries
Increase compassion for yourself and others
Whether you’re accessing therapy online or in person, it’s not just about talking — it’s about reflecting, learning, and practicing new skills in a safe, supportive space.
Therapy Is Not a Place to Blame Others
A common misconception is that counselling is just about venting or blaming other people — especially parents, partners, or exes. While therapy can validate past pain and injustice, it's not about staying stuck in blame.
Therapy explores how your context (family, culture, environment) shaped you, and it also supports accountability with compassion. It helps you say, “This happened to me, and now I get to choose how I respond moving forward.”
In this way, psychotherapy is not about reinforcing victimhood — it’s about reclaiming agency, with care.
Therapy Is About Past, Present, and Future
Yes, therapy may involve exploring childhood experiences or past trauma. But it doesn’t stop there. Good psychotherapy helps connect your past to your present, and support the changes you want in the future.
Whether you're navigating relationship issues, work stress, cultural identity, or symptoms of anxiety or depression, therapy can help you reflect, build insight, and take action.
In CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) or DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy), the focus is often on the present: building awareness of your thoughts and behaviours and learning new coping strategies. But even in trauma-focused or relational therapy, the goal is always about growth and movement — not just reflection.
Therapy Is Not a Quick Fix
Therapy isn’t instant relief. It’s not a one-time solution or a “cure” for complex struggles. Many people come into therapy hoping that a few sessions will change everything. But meaningful healing takes time.
Whether you’re doing short-term counselling or long-term trauma-informed therapy, it’s normal for the process to feel slow or even uncomfortable at times. You may experience resistance, discomfort, or doubt — and that’s okay.
Therapy is not linear. Growth rarely is. But with the right support, it’s possible.
Therapy Is Relational
Many emotional wounds happen in relationship — from abandonment, betrayal, invalidation, or neglect. That’s why psychotherapy is relational at its core.
In a good therapeutic relationship, you experience:
Trust and safety without judgment
Emotional presence and attunement
A space for repair, honesty, and mutual respect
A model of healthy boundaries
Whether you're in individual therapy or couples therapy, the connection between therapist and client is one of the most powerful elements of healing.
Therapy Is Not Only for Crisis
You don’t have to wait until everything falls apart to go to therapy. Many people seek counselling to feel more fulfilled, aligned, or connected — not just to “fix” a problem.
Mental health services aren’t just for emergencies. You might start therapy to:
Build communication skills
Navigate a life transition
Make sense of cultural identity
Improve your emotional regulation
Heal from relational patterns
Therapy can be proactive, not just reactive.
Therapy Is Accountability — Not Shame
Therapy invites us to take a compassionate look at how we’re showing up in our lives and relationships. That doesn’t mean blaming yourself or being hard on yourself — it means being honest.
In psychotherapy, you might realize:
You’re avoiding vulnerability
You're staying in roles that no longer serve you
You have coping strategies that helped you survive but now keep you stuck
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s honesty, curiosity, and choosing differently with intention.
Therapy Is Not About “Getting Over” Your Trauma
It’s a painful myth that therapy will “fix” you or help you “get over” trauma. The truth is, trauma-informed care doesn’t try to erase what happened — it helps you understand how trauma lives in your nervous system, your relationships, and your sense of safety.
Through therapy, you can:
Build internal safety and emotional regulation
Reduce the impact of triggers
Learn grounding and coping skills (especially through CBT or DBT)
Reclaim your story and identity
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means remembering with less fear and more strength.
Therapy Is Culturally and Systemically Informed
For many racialized, immigrant, or refugee clients, psychotherapy must go beyond individual psychology. Mental health is shaped by systemic, cultural, and historical forces.
Culturally responsive therapy recognizes:
Intergenerational trauma
Oppression and displacement
Cultural strengths, values, and spirituality
The collective nature of healing
You deserve a therapist who understands how your identity, history, and environment impact your mental health — and who supports you in navigating these complexities with care.
Therapy Is Not a Self-Improvement Tool for Productivity
We live in a world obsessed with optimization. Many people come to therapy hoping to become more efficient, emotionally regulated, or “better” in order to perform more effectively in work or relationships.
But therapy isn’t about being more productive. It’s about being more authentic.
Therapy says:
You are not broken
You don’t need to be fixed
You are worthy of care, not just improvement
You don’t go to therapy to become your “best self.” You go to connect with your truest self.
Online Therapy vs. In-Person Therapy: What’s Right for You?
Today, you can access psychotherapy online or in person — both have their benefits.
Online therapy offers:
Accessibility for remote clients
Flexibility and convenience
Comfort of your own home
In-person therapy offers:
Face-to-face presence
Embodied connection
More structured environment
Whether you choose online therapy or in-person therapy in Ontario, what matters most is finding a therapist who feels safe, attuned, and skilled.
Final Thoughts: Looking for a Therapist?
If you’re looking for a therapist, know this: therapy won’t erase your pain — but it can help you carry it with more strength, understanding, and support.
Therapy is not a destination. It’s a process.
Not about perfection — but connection.
Not about fixing yourself — but reclaiming your story.
Whether you’re managing anxiety, depression, trauma, or relational struggles, therapy can support real, lasting change.
